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To Win More Orders From the Heart With Emotional Intelligence or EQ is what we are talking about today. We hear from Susan Dunn MA Clinical Psychology about Emotional Intelligence, that allows you to understand the neuroscience of emotions and how they interface with the intellect and with instinctive responses. It relates to how you manage your own emotions and those of others, and therefore to your knowledge of your self and others. We are our emotions. Emotions are there to give us information.

Emotional Intelligence is about self-awareness, and awareness of others at multi-levels, and includes such competencies as emotional expression, interpersonal skills, flexibility, intentionality, empathy, intuition, nonverbal communication, and resilience. It is helpful to know how to influence other people, but that’s not all that’s going on. There is your ability to self-motivate; your character – being accountable to yourself and doing the right thing; your ability to hold the center under pressure; to size up situations realistically; to use good judgment in personal decisions; to nurture and care for others and build sustaining relationships; to relate to people from other cultures; to set reasonable goals and accomplish them; and to live with yourself and others through the good times and the bad.

MASTERY & MYSTERY

Life is about 50% mastery, and 50% mystery. Emotional intelligence helps you come to grips with the mystery part, the part where mastery doesn’t apply.

As Daniel Goleman said, EQ can be more important to your success in life than IQ. But it isn’t either or, it’s the interface between the two. It is often referred to as EQ Emotional Quotient which is the way Emotional Intelligence can be measured.

There’s a story from the University of Chicago, known worldwide for being a really brainy school. The graduation requirement at one time included being able to swim and the students had to pass a swimming test. One student with an IQ of around 150 presented himself at the shores of Lake Michigan to take the test. He dove in. Fast forward past the EMS, the resuscitation, and the obvious question from the examiner — “Why did you do this when you cannot swim?”

The genius’ reply: “I thought I knew how to swim. I read all about it.”

Now I recommend you dive into EQ because … it takes more than IQ to succeed.

HOW IT STARTED
I became interested in emotional intelligence because I was in marketing and fund-raising for many years. I thought that being left-brained, analytical, and logical - using Aristotelian logic to be specific - I could convince people to contribute to what was certainly a good cause. I was raising funds for the homeless in San Antonio Texas. In this position I was able to listen to some of the best “convincers” in the city. We had many speakers present for our various marketing/fundraising campaigns, and then I also attended every event that had open doors, as part of networking. I learned the best way there is — from people who were experts in their field — convincing.

The best speakers, the best convincers, from the Archbishop of San Antonio to the CEO of Coca Cola, started and ended their talks with stories. And they were very emotional. I learned experientially. Painfully, and therefore quickly, I discovered that the best argument for contributing to the shelter was not made by me, giving data and hyping research, but when I invited a donor down to the shelter and just let it speak for itself. Seeing and listening to a homeless child … hearing a veteran talk about Vietnam … these people were not pros, but they were themselves, and their stories were full of emotion. Often people would pull out a check right then. They were incredibly touched by the experience — notice the word “touched.” It is tactile, from the senses.

UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS

Emotional Intelligence means understanding your emotions and those of others and using this knowledge beneficially. My EQ Course (www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm) provides an overview of the topic and a comprehensive look at the competencies involved. It is full of research and also touchstones. For instance, the word “emotion” comes from the same root word (move) as does “motivation.” Motivation is never a logical and analytical thing. Motivation is not a thinking-thing. We move people, and we ourselves are moved, by our emotions. We also make the most important decisions based on our intuition or gut-feeling. (Haven’t you?) No list can tell you what person to marry, or what stock to invest in. If you take an honest look at things, you will acknowledge that there is never enough data, and that the research always runs out. You are left to take some sort of leap. Your emotions can benefit or hinder this leap. If investing in the right stock were pure intellect, and only about the “fundamentals,” we would all be rich. Instead it takes something else. Figuring out the “something elses” is what the field of emotional intelligence is all about.

WHAT WAS IN IT FOR ME

I became interested in the topic and in the field of coaching because like you, like the initiators in the field, I knew people who had IQs of 150 who weren’t doing very well in “life”. Not getting promotions, unable to get along with people, abrasive, annoying … you know. I also knew people with average IQs were soaring ahead. And like you — and the initiators in the field — I tried to figure out what made the difference. It was qualities I stumbled around with like maturity, or charisma, or character, or social skills. Like you, I’m sure, I knew what Daniel Goldman (the man who popularized EQ) knew - there is something more than IQ needed for success in life.

MARKETING AND SALES

In marketing and sales we have all experienced people who are great at what they do for reasons we couldn’t always define. In Marketing 101, we learn that like attracts like, that we buy from people we like and trust, that each person must be approached on the close in a unique manner, and that “personality” can make the difference. It isn’t hype though - some of the best salespersons in the world are introverts. Why? Because they are so good at one-on-one. With EQ we learn the vocabulary for the ineffable.

COMPETENCIES

Once you study emotional intelligence you will learn the names of the competencies and see how it all fits together as a whole. Some of the competencies are intuition, focus, authenticity, intentionality, constructive discontent and empathy. In order to sell something, you must engage the person, and this is always an emotional thing. The best “argument” in the world (lowest price, best value, most efficient, highest quality) will be lost if you, yourself (or your copy) turns the person off. Now there’s an interesting phrase “turning someone off”. I use a lot of those sensual descriptive terms in EQ.

HOW PEOPLE FEEL

For instance when I ask people to describe how they know they are angry, it is always a visceral thing they use: I saw red, I started to sweat, my leg was bounding, my head was pounding, I felt sick to my stomach, I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach, I blacked out, I couldn’t think … and when you study neuroscience (see my EQ Course) you will understand why we talk about anger in these terms. You can also see why you must know nonverbal communication cues … so that you can see — I mean FEEL — how you are coming across to the other person, how they are feeling. Someone who is angry or upset is not going to buy. And if YOU get angry, YOU are going to blow it. When angered, we cannot think - the chemicals are designed to prevent thinking clearly. It comes from the reptilian brain, the oldest and strongest of the triune brain, and is designed for survival. If a mammoth were charging toward us and we STOPPED TO THINK is it a male or female, what breed is it, we would be dead. We must react immediately AND NOT THINK.

MARKETING WITH EQ

Marketing with emotional intelligence is an art. It isn’t the usual hype (THE BEST WIDGET ON THE MARKET), it is far subtler and comprehensive - from the visual appeal of your website, to the ease of navigation, to the language and grammar you use, to the ease and speed of ordering, how you dress, if your nails are clean … and to the follow up. People liked to be thanked and appreciated. They like to be helped through “buyer’s remorse.” Somehow this isn’t always covered in Marketing 102.

Emotional intelligence applies to everything in your life. It is a fascinating field that will benefit you in all areas of your life including marketing. Many of my clients say it changed their lives. Another favorite testimonial was “your course saved my mind.” What is “the mind” as opposed to emotions and feelings? Ah, you see. A great topic.

As you know, most people’s buying decisions are emotional. They just rationalize them after the fact. If you are interested, come learn more. I recommend diving in. Managing your emotions will keep you from getting the bends in life.

You can learn more about Susan’s ebooks from www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html and her EQ course at www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm.

NEXT WEEK

The parallels between the EQ and NLP show themselves through emotions in flexibility, intentionality, empathy, intuition, nonverbal communication, and resilience. Next week we will be looking into the competencies involved in Emotional Intelligence to see how they can be integrated into your marketing.

I hope you will ensure your RSS feed link is set up so you are able to read future posts on the day they appear.

The challenge to win more orders from the heart with emotional intelligence is one we can all make work for us in the future.

Tags:   emotional intelligence · EQ · susan dunn3 Comments